Takin’ it slow.

I was out of new books to read (well, there’s always university stuff…) so I picked up an old book I’d read a few years ago, “The Knowledge of the Holy” by A.W. Tozer. I mainly read it when I’m sitting in the metro, going to university, or when we have a break in class and nobody has anything very interesting to say. What is interesting though, is that I don’t read at the same pace I would normally read. I am not a fast-reader (not in English, nor in French), but when I read this book, I always, on purpose, read really slowly. You wouldn’t want to hear me… or maybe you would. It is very different and it really feels as if the words penetrate my mind, as if I can savor them. It’s a time with God (because the book talks about what God is like, His attributes and etc.) in the middle of business. I’m always doing something, going here, going there, in class, studying, “homeworking”, talking, searching, working… it feels so sweet to stop and read slowly, like, really slowly this book. I feel at peace, in a holy place. I think it’s healthy for my mind and heart. It’s just taking the time to think about God, slowly.

You can read the following slowly, see for yourself…

“O Lord God Almighty, not the God of the philosophers and the wise but the God of the prophets and apostles; and better than all, the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, may I express Thee unblamed? They that know Thee not may call upon Thee as other than Thou art, and so worship not Thee but a creature of their own fancy; therefore enlighten our minds that we may know Thee as Thou art, so that we may perfectly love Thee and worthily praise Thee.”

(A.W. Tozer)

“Lord, how great is our dilemma! In Thy Presence silence best becomes us, but love inflames our hearts and constrains us to speak. Were we to hold our peace the stones would cry out; yet if we speak, what shall we say? Teach us to know that we cannot know, for the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. Let faith supports us where reason fails, and we shall think because we believe, not in order that we may believe.”

(A.W. Tozer)

“O Majesty unspeakable, my soul desires to behold Thee. I cry to Thee from the dust. Yet when I inquire after Thy name it is secret. Thou art hidden in the light which no man can approach unto. What Thou art cannot be thought or uttered, for Thy glory ineffable. Still, prophet and psalmist, apostle and saint have encouraged me to believe that I may in some measure know Thee. Therefore, I pray, whatever of Thyself Thou hast been pleased to disclosed, help me to search out as treasure more precious than rubies or the merchandise of fine gold: for with Thee shall I live when the stars of the twilight are no more and the heavens have vanished away and only Thou remainest.”

(A.W. Tozer)

Grève Générale Illimitée (litt.:Strike General Unlimited)

Hey, so after a few weeks of being bombarded with flyers and salespeople coming in our classes talking about a possible strike that our faculty (or university branch) could start quite soon, after distributing little squares (red for those in favor and blue for those against the strike) that people would wear on their backpacks or on their shirts, we finally sat together today to talk about it all.

Why a strike? Hmmmm. Well, students don’t want to pay more for their education that they do right now and universities in general have been increasing their costs, and especially, our university has big financial problems right now, there is more then that but anyways. So after sitting for 6 hours of debating, voting and a one-minute break in a 500-people filled room, we finally took the final vote. The obvious happened. The majority voted in favor of a “general, unlimited strike” (don’t know how to say that in English). So by mid-October I should have no more classes. Lots of fun eh?

Well, I wore the blue square.

What is good though, is that we (people from my class) were able to change and add a few things about how the strike would be carried out, and so it protects us so we can still go to our internship classes.

If you pray for me, pray that the strike will not really affect my courses this semester or next semester.

“Noticings”

Two things.

My two sisters gave me a beta fish a few months ago. I asked my nephew Caelan (who’s 3) how I should name it. He only said a word that I didn’t understand, so I asked his brother (well, my nephew as well) what he’d said. Brothers are good to translate eachother’s thoughts it seems. Iain told me that Caelan had said, “Bourgogne” (burgundy). So we called the fish “Bourgogne” for a month or so. The thing though, is that they used to have a fish like mine, so Caelan probably just remembered the name of his fish looking at mine. So I had another name in mind, “Bétrave” (beet). Well, I’ve noticed something quite interesting in Bétrave’s behavior the other day.

You see, I am a busy person. And… even though Bétrave’s water needed to be changed, I … well, did homework instead, or, you know, things that needed to be done. I just had no time. For at least one and a half weeks I let Bétrave live in a dirty environment. And on top of that, I started skipping his meals. After a little while of this miserable life of his, I noticed that each time I’d come over to his … square bowl (this is NOT a fish tank…) and Bétrave would be running away (hmmm, swimming away) from me, hidding under stones. He’d freak out. Poor thing (no, I am not Julie Sommer).

So a few days ago, I decided to take the time to clean up the “fish water” and put Bétrave back on top of the TV, as usual. The next time I came around to feed him, Bétrave didn’t run away, didn’t try to hide, didn’t freak out at all. He was doing great again.

So here’s my advice for parents (because I am one myself -and I am a liar too-): Make sure you feed your kids and provide them with a clean enviroment, otherwise, they’ll be prone to run away from you. Understood?

Second thing.

I’ve always had trouble sleeping well when I work the evening shift at VV. After working till 10:30pm or so, I kept waking up, half dreaming, half there, about work and etc. during the night it was never pleasant and frustrating. The other night, I worked on a homework for about 5 hours and went to bed. In the morning “I awoke and looked around. My sleep had been pleasant to me.” (Jeremiah 31:25-26). I asked myself what I had done to sleep so well (it had been a while since I’d felt so good), the answer came easily: I had worked on a homework in which I had to create a one-week lesson plan for intensive ESL students. Quite boring you may think, but I actually enjoyed doing it.

So my advice to myself: Do not work at VV for the rest of your life, you better become a teacher, you’ll sleep better.

I’m quite happy about this realization. It encourages me to keep studying. No less than 3 years to go.

Jesus, remind me.

Tonight was the opening night of the GBU (Groupe Biblique Universitaire - you can figure what it means I’m sure). Lots of new faces and a couple of known ones. We were about twenty people. There are more Christians than that in the university for sure, but it is still a very small number when we think of the … 30, 35, thousand other students going to my university.

These last weeks I have been feeling a bit different. Yes university started and life is busy and etc. but I’ve been thinking about obedience to God. It frustrates me everyday to find myself failing to obey the Holy Spirit and just do things my way because it’s easier, because sin tastes better (for the moment). It is still frustrating and I feel powerless. I feel that it shouldn’t be that way.

The last song we sang at the GBU meeting was the French version of “Arms of Love”. We had sang about God’s holiness and loving eachother and I myself had a good time praising my Lord. But with my heart frustrated because of sin and struggles and lack of understanding, I felt that I couldn’t sing those words:

 My heart is glad that you’ve called me your own 

And there’s no place I’d rather be

Than in your arms of love, in your arms of love

Holding me still, holding me near, in your arms of love

In French, the last verse literally says something like “Holding me very tight, holding me very tight”. I was picturing myself in the arms of Jesus, being hugged very tight, like, very tight. Why would Jesus want to embrace me? I must be so frustrating to Him with my repeated sins and empty words. I am a sinner, I am helpless, why would He want to hug and love me? After the song, we could pick up a bible verse from a bunch of little cards. I picked Matthew 28:20 and that said in French, “I am with you for ever”. That struck me. He wanted to be with me and care for me.

In my struggle for holiness, I had forgotten I was helpless. Well, I knew it, but I was still struggling with my own strength, in my own way. I had forgotten how Jesus loved me and wanted me to lay my burdens at His feet and put His yoke on my shoulders so we can walk together. I’m not exactly sure how to do that, but I want to remind myself that Jesus is by my side, waiting for me to give up and accept His yoke. What is His yoke?

Twilight

Twilight by Shaun Groves

Like the sky before the dawn, while the night is holding on, sun and moon together in the gray. So my soul is shared by two, the worst of me, the best of you, saint and sinner mingle in my veins. And I pray you’ll end this twilight.

Twilight, twilight, I’m torn inside my soul tonight, the dawning day, the dying night, Oh rid my soul of twilight, oh rid my soul of twilight.

Good I love but evil’s done, good intentions come undone, good to know I know the One who saves me from myself.

Oh Lord, paint my heart a solid hue, the shade of You oh Lord, break this dreadful in between inside of me, oh let it be morning.

I know the sun is coming up, oh the sun is coming, yes the sun is coming up. In me.

 

holy this and holy that

I was in class this afternoon and we were four people in a team, again going off topic. Maybe we didn’t feel like talking about the challenges in teaching and evaluating kids from different levels in the same classroom, or maybe we had said all we could think of… But the topic of expressions came up. More precisely, expressions such as “holy cow!” and “holy smoke!” (and others). People were asking why such expressions existed, because the two words just were not meant to be together. “What’s holy?” said a too-talkative girl who hadn’t listen to our conversation.

“God is Holy.” Said I.

This started another conversation that had to be ended 10 seconds later because the teacher stopped the discussion period. A fellow student reminded our group I was religious, and that was why I said such things. He then asked me what was the meaning of life. But that’s when the teacher stopped us.

The class was over after a littlebit. I invited the guy to join us for supper, he too had brought his baglunch. I said, “If you want to learn about the meaning of life you better hurry, ’cause we’re off to the cafeteria!” So he came along. We ate and talked about the Bible, how he believed in it, but couldn’t believe the creation part, in God. Did not make sense to him. But he said he loved what he saw in Jesus, His words, attitude, miracles, Jesus the man. I told him that this Jesus claimed to be God. The guy actually believes Jesus rose from the dead. So anyways, slowly I made the point that if someone claims to be God (even if you don’t believe in God), says he’ll die and come back to life… and actually accomplishes all this, well, the guy must be God, he’s no liar or crazy guy. We talked about being religious and what Jesus said about those who were considered the most religious in His days, that God wanted us to realize our great need, our total inability to obey Him perfectly. I was able to tell him the Good News. He agreed with it all. But to me, he seemed blind, not understanding. His conclusion: you make your own religion, you keep what you want to keep from the Bible or whatever, and that’s fine. My conclusion: well, opinions are worthless until  they are founded upon something solid and I founded mine on the written Word of God.

You can pray for him.

Brain Fuel

Many little things happened lately. You’re right, university has started again, it’s going pretty smooth so far. I try to make it a point to pray for my teachers.

I. I’m learning about HTML stuff right now, which is challenging for me (I didn’t know that, but ESL teachers have to know how to create “real” websites) so I purpusely sit by the HTML geek in our class and keep asking her questions. She’s really nice about it.

II. I caught a cold sometime at the end of last week. Funny thing, today when I got my school agenda, they gave me a bag and a few things inside too. I discovered Fisherman’s Friend lozenges in their little red and white paper bag!

III. I went to the alumni thingy at Parole de Vie Béthel on Saturday and had a good time. Although, we were … 1 and a half let’s say, from my 2001-2002 year.

IV. My roomate Rachel, and I played the guitar for the first time on Sunday at church. It was only for one song (because they didn’t have the cd for that song). Two men told us we should start a worship team with them (well, in French terms for sure, but it’s basically what it means) “We’re singer and you’re musicians” they said. So we already have scheduled an “introduction practice” on Sunday afternoon. Another man asked me if we knew new songs and that we should practice new stuff with him. Anyways, it seems that Rachel and I are in business. Hopefully we’ll do it because we want to serve the Body of Christ and glorify God. Not simply because we have the ability to do it. I wonder though, why people want musicians instead of singing along cds or singing a cappella. People seem to be thirsty for “real” music.

V. I am tired. I need to learn to be more humble and to be nicer to people and to be more positive and to be less negative and to use less sarcasm and to sleep more and to pray more and… I am tired.

not alone

I wasn’t alone to start school in my family this week. Iain my nephew started kintergarten just today!

He looks thrilled eh? Well, no worries, I was told he had a great time.

Second first day

Today was my second first day at university. Well, this statement could be false in a sense since some may think that there’s only one real first day (first day of my first year) but this was my second first day at university since I started my second year today. There was a lot of new things happening at the same time last year, coming back fromt two years in Saskatchewan, not being sure of being accepted at university, moving to my grandparents’ place, living in Montreal, finding a new church… this year is very different from last year. Everything seems to go smoothly. I still don’t really realize that I’m starting university again. It feels so… normal; the same people, the same buildings, the same downtown, I even have one teacher I had last year. It was good to see my fellow students and realize that they haven’t changed a bit, apart for some of their haircuts.

I don’t know if you remember the teacher I kept writing about last year. The one who frustrated me because of what she said about the people who believed in God, the Bible, creation. Well, she is teaching two of my classes this semester! I wasn’t exactly joyful when I found this out. The thing that’s sad though is that I personally believe that she is a great teacher. So anyways, as I sat in her class today, I realized that she, like the students around me, had not changed. Today again, she used a “Christian-like” vocabulary that made me wonder. She used the expression, “the fear of God”. No, things haven’t changed. But I found myself hoping she had got saved during the summer. Hopes, hopes and hopes. I pray I will set a good example in front of her.

After my second (extremely boring) class (!), I went to our GBU (Christian fellowship student thingy) booth to ask if I could be part of the club. Well, I was obviously joking since I’m “part” of the “club” already. It’s neat to hear that up to now, no less than 15 new students (mostly first years) let their contact info to Dave (our leader). I think that’s encouraging.

It’s good to be back at school. It just feels right. After a summer of work and the routine it creates, I really needed vacations from that life. I know I’ll get tired of university at some point, especially that I’ll have 7 blocks of three hour classes a week (when normally you have around 4 or 5). Hey, by the way, I need to find myself a skill. I’ll have to teach something to my fellow students, a skill that I have that people around aren’t likely to have it. The thing is that I have no speacil skill that I can teach and have 22 people do in 10 minutes. You have any ideas?