When I was in secondary school, it seemed to me and I heard people talk about two Christian “ways”. Some Christians are more like evangelists and others are there to strengthen the believers. I always thought that I was more like a “strengthener” than an evangelist. I spent four years of my life in two different Bible schools, either as a student or on the staff and while I was there I really enjoyed myself and felt like there was no other place I wanted to be. I loved being in a Bible college setting, with believers and being able to minister to them and through them. I always felt like I couldn’t live my life in a secular work somewhere, go to church once or twice a week and etc. But at the same time, after a year and half or so spent at a Bible college, I felt a great need to get out into the “real” world and bring the Good News to people.
It’s been more than a month now that I’ve been living the life that I always thought couldn’t live: get up, work, come home, do the things I need to do, go to church on Sunday morning. For sure it’s “liveable”. But my reality is hitting me more and more and it frustrates me greatly. I don’t feel fulfilled at all. For sure I need to live and put money aside for university, but even going to university often seems like a long term project and wonder what better things I could be doing for God’s Kingdom right now. I know that God’s ways are different from my ways and I believe He’s called me to university, but it doesn’t mean I love the path I am on. When I was teaching ESL to the Muslim ladies, what I cared and prayed the most about was not that they learn English, but that they’d get to know God’s plan of salvation through Jesus Christ. I miss the challenge I had and the great burden that I had. I didn’t care if it was frustrating sometimes, I was “ministering” somehow to the ladies. It hurts me even more when two of them came to my work last week to see how I was doing. Like there’s more that could be done with the ladies they’re still wanting to see me. I’m not involved in anything right now and I miss that. I feel like I’m going with the flow without giving a thought to my ways. I actually am, but what I realize is frustrating.
So anyways, I’m a bit down. I see so little opportunities at work to share the Gospel. I should go make my lunch for tomorrow.
5 Comments
I remember sharing with a professor of mine, one of the most godly I was ever around, similar feelings, and he told me that he had had the same feelings when he was working his way through college. He said he heard from people years later that his witness was used by God in their salvation. I don’t know if this encourages you, but be encouraged! God is faithful.
If you really miss teaching ESL, maybe you can contact the person who hired you and ask if it is possible to start another class in the near future… You never know.
Ray
Thanks J.
Ray, we don’t use sarcasm in our family eh? Unfortunately, I do not believe it’ll be possible for me to teach ESL in the fall. My schedule will only allow me three free nights a week starting from 5 o’clock! Thanks though.
Je sais ce que tu veux dire. Je lis un livre sur le contentement et une chose qui m’a touché c’est que l’auteure parle qu’on devient vide, frustré… sans but, quand on ne vie pas pour la raison pour laquelle on a été crée….. de glorifie Dieu. ( je ne veux pas dire que tu ne glorifie pas Dieu) Une façon très concrète de faire ça c’est d’utiliser nos dons spirituels. Étant donné que tu es encore en train de chercher une église où t’établir, c’est plus difficile d’utiliser les dons que Dieu t’a donné pour l’édification du corps de Christ. Je prie pour toi, que tu puisses vraiment trouver une église où tu va pouvoir faire ça. C’est frustrant d’avoir a “vivre” une vie normale : job, étude.. et de ne pas avoir une tonne de temps pour faire des choses “spirituels”. Mais au juste, c’est quoi étre spirituel ? : ” La religion pure et sans tache , devant Dieu notre Père, consiste à visiter les orphelins et les veuves dans leurs afflictions, et à se préserver des souillures du monde.” Jacques 1.27
“Soit donc que vous mangiez, soit que vous buviez, soit que vous fassiez quelque autre chose, faites tout pour la gloire de Dieu.” 1 Cor. 10.31
Prends la “saison” dans laquelle tu es maintenant pour glorifier Dieu. Ne te laisses pas faire accroire que tu es moins “productive” qu’avant. Tu as des opportunitées que tu n’avais pas avant et que tu n’aura pas plus tard, ne les perds pas.
Marianne
PS: J’avais besoin d’entendre ça !! C’est plus pour moi tout ça !
Merci Marianne!
Je n’y avais pas pensé, j’ai présentement des opportunités que je n’avais pas avant et que je n’aurai pas plus tard.
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