I totally enjoyed my three days at my mom’s because I worked with my hands a lot and I was by myself most of the time I worked. I did listen to some good music, but I spent a lot of time just having conversations with myself, out loud. Asking questions about things I saw or noticed, thinking about the past and trying to solve “relationship equations” or why people act the way they do or why I act and think the way I do. I’m a big talker when I’m by myself.

I know a lot of people who give so much of themselves in the name of Christianity. They put everybody’s needs before their own and they always want to be served last or not helped at all because Jesus says that … I have little time and I can’t remember the verse, but we often see Jesus, Paul and others probably, in the Bible, that followers of Christ do to others as they would have them to to them, that Christians put other people’s needs before their own. So many Christians do their best to forget about themselves and always put everybody in front of them in the line and often say stuff like “No, I’m fine”, “Please, go a head, I can wait”, “Here’s some more…”. I don’t want to say that it’s wrong to be that way, Christ calls us to be like that. But as I cleaned around my mom’s house, talking to myself, I realized that there are two ways of living out Christ’s command about service and etc. there might be more than two ways actually, I’m just giving my opinion.

There’s the self-centered motivation. I think that sometimes, the dialog that goes on in our heads sounds like that: “I am strong, I can do without”, “I can be tough”, “I obey Christ, I am really on the right path” and so on. If I know that sort of dialog it’s obviously because I’ve been using it myself. What I notice in that thinking is that it sounds great, but it’s so self-centered. It’s all about me being strong, obedient and righteous. It’s a lot about self-righteousness to a certain point.

And there’s the people-centered motivation. The dialog that goes on in our minds goes like something like this: “He is in need, he just can’t do without”, “She is so weak, how can I help?”. It’s no more about ME being a superhero able to go through everything for other people’s sake, but it’s only about others and realizing they’re in need. I don’t think about myself and my capacities very much. It’s about trusting God, that He uses His people to bless and encourage and help His children. It’s about being humble.

I know that the line can seem to be pretty thin in between these two motivations or maybe it is very clear to you. This is just something I realized Wednesday. Well, it’s something that I knew, but never as clearly as this. Sometimes, Christians try to obey Christ because it’s written, because they are stronger then the rest or I don’t know. To a certain extent, these reasons are alright, but really, I think that Jesus wants us to be servants not because He’s asking us or because we look humble when we serve and put other people’s needs before ours. I think that Jesus is looking for a true attitude of humility and for eyes that see the people’s needs and not our own capacity of filling in for them, of being strong for them. People who have the wrong motivation are likely to one day blow up, well, that’s what I think and what I’ve seen. Why? Because God did not create us to be strong or to bear loads on our shoulders. God is the one who carries the heavy stuff, He’s the strong One.

So I hope my motivation will be more people-centered than slef-centered. There is a lot to had to these thoughts indeed, but I must run.