Higher Obedience

Last night when I was in class, I didn’t know why but my legs were hurting me. I thought it would go away, but again today my legs and knees have been hurting me again. I realized that I just need a new pair of shoes. I can seriously see the shape of my feet and almost my toes under my shoes. I’m really enjoying the new mild weather we have here in Montreal. It’s been so nice to walk outside on dry sidewalks and a wind that is almost warm. School is simply overwhelming. I felt like throwing up tonight – not because of stress, but because I am almost literally sick of the amount of things I need to do and the little amount of time I’ve got. It’s like, my body can’t take it anymore and rejects school work. I guess I haven’t been doing a good job at resting, I desperately need more sleep, but I always think I can’t afford sleeping because there’s too much to do. I got an email from Pearl! It’s always neat to get emails from people you don’t see anymore but that you keep thinking of… in my case, they remind me of a peaceful land and life (I need to remember that). “The Sentence in Written English”, “Thinking English Grammar”, “Understanding and Using English Grammar”, “Advanced English Grammar” are a few of the books piled up on my desk. There’s a strike going on tomorrow so I don’t have my afternoon class I believe (great I’ll do some more work!). Only two more days of internship in a school and I’ll be done for this year’s internship.

“And those words that were spoken and written by the apostle Paul, apply just as much to our lives today as they did two thousand years ago when he wrote them: that in our lives, no matter where we could go, who we could meet, what we could see or what we could earn or be given to us or accomplish, there is nothing in our lives, that will ever even come close to the greatness of knowing, Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Yes, I was listening to Third Day – Nothing Compares. That’s what I should do. Just rest my soul in God, there is nothing more important, nothing that has more worth than the greatness of knowing Jesus Christ as my Savior and I should stop and focus on Him, not on my concerns and business and tiredness and sickness. I can’t work anymore anyways.

It’s 10:09pm and I am tired. I just feel like going to bed, but feel that I’m wasting precious time if I go to bed just right now. There is a reason for me to be so tired. Well, more than one reason I would say. I’ve have no chance to sleep in this semester at all or just have a week off. Only four weeks and I’ll be done my first year at university, so there’s lot to do. Oh and the other reason is that today was my sister’s wedding. I don’t think I realize that she is married. I would obviously post a picture here, but I didn’t take any pictures, feeling that I would get some from other people, I didn’t want to be bothered by a camera.

I enjoyed seeing old friends and good people around. But I didn’t get to really talk with people simply because I was busy, they were busy or we didn’t get to sit together. I wish it’d have been different. It is frustrating when you get to see an old friend, but you can’t just sit with the person and have a good little talk. I guess, weddings are not a good place to have one-on-one conversations anyways, there’s too many people who want to see and talk to too many people in such a little amount of time.

Do you know what I did right after the bride and the groom left? I literaly RAN to our room and put on my jeans. I know, this does not surprise you. I know that comments are rare here, but I have a question. When people ask “So, when are YOU getting married” knowing very well you don’t even like a guy, why do they ask? What is their intent? I’mve got my own little idea, but I’d be curious to know what people think or how they feel about it.

If you want my opinion, just ask.

So this is my weekly commentaries on our bible study. I was in a different city last Monday so I could not attend, so I was happy to again sit down in that little restaurant waiting for sisters to show up so we could have a good time talking about Ephesians 4:17-32. What is even more exciting is that we had a new friend joining, so it means more point of views and blessings, a different atmosphere somewhat. We really had a good time and how I wish we’d be able to spend more than an hour together.

We read and talked a lot about how we are called to take off the old self and put on the new self… and how this new self is actually the first self we ever had… or, the self that God always intended for us to “wear”. Should I use the word self again?

“You were taught, in regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (NIV Ephesians 4:22-24)

The new self was created to be like God. That’s why there can’t be any lies, unwholesome talks, bitterness, rage, anger, malice, stealing and co. we’re clothed with a self that is like God. It does not mean that we are so much “like God” all the time. If Paul wrote the letter to those believers, it was because they needed to hear about that. Paul talks about not grieving the Holy Spirit in the passage too (4:30), so to me, it is a “proof” that we Christians, have choices to make. I often find myself with a hard heart, saying “no” to God’s Spirit who is always there to show me the right way. I hate saying “no” to my sinful nature and it hurts, I feel as if I’m a nerd and don’t get a “reward” or a good feeling all the time. I’m glad when I look back and I made the right choices, but it was costly to a certain extent.

Now talking about cost. That was not in the bible study but I was reflecting on that last week. I wondered about how much it cost me to be a Christian. I’m not talking about te money I give to the church, but about what kind of sacrifices I make for Jesus. Many “sacrifices” are no sacrifices at all and cost me nothing. David would not give God sacrifices that cost him nothing. I give God 45 minutes or so every morning, so I guess it costs me 45 minutes of my morning, but I’m so used to giving it that I wonder where the sacrifice is. For the rest of the day I pretty much forget about God, I’m so busy with so many other things. I want to stop more often and pray, wait on Him, remember that it is for His Kingdom that I live, not mine. So I don’t know. I think it’s a good question I should keep asking myself: Gabe, how much does it cost you to live for God. The answer will show me the degree of my devotion and my love to a certain point for sure. I remember hearing people say that they just had no time to read, to pray. What does it tell God? There’s a verse in Isaiah 43:22 that says “Yet you have not called upon me, O Jacob, you have not WEARIED yourselves for me, O Israel.” I won’t start a discussion I started some time ago but click on the “read more” link to read what was on my mind about this topic on February 14, 2006 (a year ago already!) if you haven’t read it then. Anyways,  should stop here and do something school-related, there’s always more to do.  Read the rest of this entry »

That was some TV cartoon thingy that we, Frenchies in Québec used to watch. But the thing that I did not like about it is that the song that you hear on the clip, well people kept singing it to me at school.

PS: Thanks to Jess who found this clip for me and made fun of me at 22 years old. By the way, unless you’re my dad, Marianne, my brother, Jason, my nephew, my cousin, uncle, aunt, grandparents, or one of the church members of my homechurch and were around when I was born, you are NOT allowed to call me Gabby.

Thanks for your understanding.

Oh, I’ve added a new page called BRAIN BREAKS. Mainly those are clips that I like or find interesting.

One does not like to think one has to depend on others, at least, not people like me. I like the idea of being up there. I like words like “strong”, “independent”, “helper of the helpless”, “wise”, “mature”, “loved”, “able”… But it’s tiring to think that that’s the way one has to be. Because it’s not our job to be strong. Don’t you feel it sometimes? That you were not made like steal, you were not created to be strong, but to depend on someone else.

I must confess that it’s comforting to know that we don’t need to depend on anybody. But I’m tired. Tired of thinking that’s the way I should be: strong and without any need to depend on anyone. For a few hours now, my only comforting thought is the one where I see myself hurt and crying in the arms of Jesus. I don’t know why. But I feel that a place where I can simply be weak and small and cared for is the place I need, that all human beings need. Because we aren’t strong, we were created not to depend on ourselves, but on our Creator. Not just for food and clothes, but for friendship and love, comfort in times of little and big tears. He wants to care for me, but I don’t really let Him be my Abba, my brother, my comforter. Only because I reject the idea of being weak and just who I am in reality.

I sing a simple song of love, to my Savior, to my Jesus. I’m thankful for the things you’ve done, my loving Savior, my precious Jesus. My heart is glad that you’ve called me your own, and there’s no place I’d rather be, than in your arms of love, in your arms of love. Holding still, holding near, in your arms of love.

Again this blog is more about my little university life than anything else, I love going back to my old blog are realize how many good thoughts I used to have when my mind was free from school activities and its business. It’s a different season of life. Even though I’ve got much to do, I can’t simply get busy with reading and homework and planing. I can’t! So here’s my little story of why I can’t work tonight.

For the first half of the semester I had worked hard on a grammar assignment -not the kind that you get in secondary school or Cegep. The course, the teacher and the assignment had brought a few a us to drop the class and most of us to feel overwhelmed and unable to achieve what was asked of us. With a lot of pain and frustration I had finally gone through the whole process of finding hard grammatical questions, get them accepted by the teacher, and found (for some) the answers or just information that did not solve my questions. Tuesday March 20th was a dreadful date for most of us since we had to send our final 4 questions and their answers to the teacher through email.

The teacher told us we would get our grades and feedback today and I did not want to check my emails this morning, at all. I had a class at 2pm and a classmate told us the marks had finally been sent around 12:30pm. I was gone already, so I hadn’t have the “privillege” to know what was in my mailbox, A, B, C, D, E… I was glad I had another class at 6pm and so, wouldn’t go home before 9pm tonight. I just was scared. But I got home and I thought that I had to go check my mail and be done with it. Even if I always felt stressed out when I would get an email from the teacher, giving me feedback on the grammatical questions I had sent her, this time, I felt my heart taking a deep breath, not knowing what it was I was going to face. I dreaded this moment for now more than a week.

My face suddenly changed when I read the simple phrase in the email I had gotten from my teacher: “Hi Gabrielle,
Nice work … assignment on the return path.” It was the first time the teacher actually used my name in an email, the first time I was greeted too. Teachers have more to do than sound nice, I know. So I downloaded my work that she had corrected and commented… The last few characters on the paper were these: A-

Most people have never seen how I look like when I am really relieved and happy. You missed it again. I fell to the ground and praised God, who lives and granted me success, again. Now the work is only halfway done. I must submit a second set of four questions and their answers for April 3rd. Pray for me.

I know that most readers of this blog have NEVER experienced the métro (subway) in Montréal

so now is YOUR chance to SEE how it is like only by

CLICKING HERE

This is the context:

We were four friends together in the métro, going the same direction. I left at my station, then our other friend left at her station and finally, the two remianing friends had some time to kill because of bus schedules so they decided to do something we are usually not supposed to do, although I never heard of a rule against it.

Usually, when you get to the last station on the line (in this context, the last station is called HONORÉ BEAUGRAND) you ave to get out. Then the métro goes around somewere nobody sees and comes back, but going the opposite direction. My friends simply stayed inside their wagon instead of getting out and took a video for memories.

So go check it out… it’s nothing very impressive, but at least, it’ll give you a small idea of how it is like to use métro in Montréal. Enjoy!

If you look at the picture here, this is the métro map in Montréal and my friends went were on the GREEN LINE going North-East of the island, and so they went around the last station on that line, HONORÉ BEAUGRAND.

It’s so easy to just go to university and be too busy with homework and all the books and articles that need to be read. It’s so easy to get caught in the busy life that comes with living downtown here in Montreal, it’s just an attitude that does not exist in little Hepburn, Saskatchewan. Again I think of the fact that I am here for a reason and that I am to seek God’s Kingdom, not mine. Most people here seek their own little kingdoms, success in as many parts of their lives as possible. They make choices hoping that their lives will turn out in the way they want, whatever their definiton of success is. But really, it’s all about their own little kingdoms. And I am tangled up in the same attitude very often and I forget the real reason why I am here. Yes God probably wants me to get my B.A. but my first “care” is not my studies, but God’s Kingdom, His stuff. It’s tough to think that way and let go of my own plans and ideas to succeed.

I was “leading” our bible study today. We usually are three girls, but our “leader” was not there, so she asked me to “lead” for her. Why do I keep putting these “”"”" when I use the word “lead” or “leader” or “leading”? Simply because when you’re three people, there’s not much leading to do, since it’s a study, it’s more about sharing what we see in the text and answering pre-made questions than anything else. So it was kind of odd today just being two girls. The other girl is from Africa and even if we speak French together, we make use of the language is a very different way, discussions don’t have the same rules and it frustrates me a lot. In some cultures, people just interupt the speaker at any point of the conversation to state a new thing or say anything he wants to say about it all. In my culture, you usually wait for the person to be done speaking, and then you speak. We do cut people sometimes, but that’s considered rude. That’s what I felt for the whole time at bible study today. I couldn’t finish my thought before my friend cut me and added something, usually that did not fit (in my mind) with what I was saying. But I’m glad I know a tiny bit about this fact of language use. What is even better is that we were studying Ephesians 4. And we talked about the fact that we’re all different, but we are one in Christ and must be full of humility, patience, we have to bear with one another in love and etc. to keep the bond of peace… That was just perfect for me. Sitting with my sister who seemed to think and use language in such a different way.

Oh and the picture? This is a tradition that my friend and I have taken up. Whenever there’s elections coming up and there’s these signs for political parties all over the town… we find one called “Le Parti Vert” (The Green Party) and we take a picture with it. Neat eh? Oh well.

This post is sort of pointless but eh.  Oh, by the way, the picture has nothing to do with me. We were looking at wedding cakes ideas for my sister this weekend and we kept some pictures for her…

March came so quickly. The first two months of the new year passed by me so quickly, it’s hard to believe that all these days are gone, almost lost in a forest of assignments, classes, readings, homework, meetings, internships, bible studies, church days and time spent with friends and family. To be honest, this first half of my semester has not been as hectic as I thought it would be, but I do know that this month is going to be rather busy and overwhelming at times. I wonder how good I will do, because I haven’t done very well for the past two months and felt as if I was sick of this university life already because I had no time to just stop and be. March. March has begun.

I feel that I am more and more “needed” at my grandparents’ place. Not that I do a lot for them, but I think that my sole presence is a comfort and/or an help to them. My grandma loves having me around and feels better to have me with them. I don’t know about my grandpa, but I know that he does not worry when he is out or just in the basement when I am at home with my grandma, he knows she is not alone. So I feel “bad” to a certain point about leaving them for a few days. I think I really have a hard time “feeling” what is right. Pray for me, I still have a good four months to go at their place. I know half my time is already behind, but it’s often awkward to live there.

New expression to add to your vocabulary: “It’s all gravy” (meaning: it’s all good). Well I think that’s it. My older sister taught it to me tonight. Here a different expression that used to be popular “It’s been a slice” (meaning: it’s was fun). Fun eh?

By the way, 11$ was given to Native Missionaries through Gospel For Asia this last month. Thanks. Please think about our brothers and sisters who struggle to bring the Gospel of Jesus Christ to places where they know nothing of Jesus. They need our support.