I don’t know why but I always said that 15 years old was the “year of rebellion”. Kids rebel against their parents at that age. Of course it can happen pretty much anytime during their teens, but oh well. I feel like I’m 15 right now. If you’re smart enough, you’ve understood that I am a little rebel. Well, no I ain’t. But I feel like one.

My grandpa had gone this morning and when I came out of the shower, my grandma asked me to help her with vacuuming downstairs. She had started already and just couldn’t keep going anymore. My grandpa wouldn’t have let her vacuum the house if he had been there. So I vacuumed and then I asked if I could help her in any other way. She wanted to do some dusting around but she told me it would take too long, that I didn’t have time. Again I told her I was willing to help her, no matter how busy I was. I said that if you ask, you’ll receive (she knows this verse) so she replied that I knew what she needed and that I wouldn’t ask her if she needed anything. She said that she didn’t want to yell from downstairs, that she would die from yelling. My grandpa arrived (good thing). I was a bit ticked off, but I told her again, “Whenever you need me, no matter what I am doing, I am always available, just ask me”. I went upstairs and couldn’t keep my eyes from crying.

It’s frustrating because I do not know what she needs because she does not tell me. She says she’s shy to ask for help. I know she wants her house to be clean and make sure someone cleans it every week. But my granpa does it when I’m away and I never know when I should clean because … of my grandma’s moods. I don’t know her needs, but she thinks I know. To me, the house is always clean, but to her it’s always in need of dusting or vacuuming. We don’t see things with the same eyes. It’s frustrating because it’s not true that I don’t ask if she needs help, because I do.

I just feel frustrated and misunderstood and I don’t know what to do. I’ve witnessed something interesting in my thinking. It’s like I’ve become a 15 year-old, frustrated with her parents. I am usually careful not to make too much noise in my room, but this morning, I just didn’t care very much about it. I don’t like always being gone ’cause I feel like I’m just using my grandparents, but now I don’t care anymore. That is very different from what I’ve been feeling and I don’t think I’ve got the right attitude. I know it’s important for me to stay healthy and sane, so I do need to get out and I’ll do so this afternoon. But I really need wisdom to deal with this relationship. I think I will make it a point to ask my grandma, everyday at lunch time if she needs anything done that day. If you have any ideas, please let me know.

I kinda feel why a 15 year-old kid would rebel against his parents. When a kid just feels misunderstood and frustrated, he just gives up on those frustrating people and feels like “whatever, I don’t care anymore” they don’t respect me anyways. I’ve really never felt that way before (so I guess I had pretty good parents and it’s just not me to rebel against authority) and I think it’s really interesting indeed. I don’t plan on being a rebel, I’m 22 and I live at my grandparents’. It’s not the time, nor the place. I think I need to be full of grace and ready to adapt my ways so I am helpful to my grandma and does not make her feel like I’ve got no time for her. But still, I really wonder where’s the line between me responding to all her “sublimanal” messages (Oh, it’s so hard!) and when it’s time for her to ask, or understand that we do not revolve around her. Touchy… Touchy.